|—||Douglas Adams (Ch. 3, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe)|
I am so fucking glad that they didn’t force these two into a romantic relationship.
it’s even better when you remember, that every second they are not dying, she keeps trying to hook him up with any girl, she’s his wingwoman
She’s his Barney Stinson.
Haaaaaaaaaave you met Steve?
"Not this game again Tasha, we are not playing-"
"Haaaaaaavvve you met Steve?"
I just wanted to eat breakfast ;(
welp now we know the distinction between the two
Have….have people…not eaten shredded wheat before? The regular sized ones?
You put it in a bowl and pour milk on it (with sugar + cinnamon if you’re not some lunatic fiber satan who just wants to eat wheat strings) and let it soak a bit before breaking it up and eating bite sized portions with your spoon.
DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS?!
NONE OF US KNEW THAT
my thought process before I do anything.
Uh, so I switched over to SMC, but the south park subtitles stayed….
In case anyone was wondering, it did, in fact, continue.
The ultimate dad joke compilation
ITS FROM FCKING JURASSIC PARK WHAT THE HELL TUMBLR
a pregnant woman goes into a coma
months later she wakes up, no longer pregnant
“you had twins! ” the nurse exclaims. “your brother named them”
“what did he name the girl?” the woman asks
“that’s alright, I like denise. and the boy?”
So my teacher told us that two blue eyed people can’t have a brown eyed kid and this kid in my class said “but both my parents have blue eyes and I have brown eyes”. The teacher said “so you’re adopted”. THe next day the kid came in and told us that he confronted his parents about it and that they said he was adopted but wanted to wait for the right time to tell him.